Monthly Archives: December 2008
I know a person, let us call her Nirmala, who would be very nice when talking to you. She will listen with rapt attention to all that you say and make sympathetic interjections to goad you reveal more. She would appear very friendly and give the impression that she is trustworthy. You would have poured your heart out to her telling all the things that you would have normally kept to yourself but for her responsive demeanour.Nirmala is however the worst gossip. She would rush to tell others one by one not just what she heard from you but embroider it with half truths and utter lies. You would be shocked when you hear people talking in hushed tones about your personal matters. Once bitten, you would be doubly shy of talking to her. You will avoid her like a plague like so many others whom she befriended earler.But she would go for new quarries. She never realised that she lost many good friends and was practically a loner detested by all who knew her. Yet she was not able to change herself. She did nothing to earn the trust of the people by discarding this bad habit of gossiping.
The point that I am trying to convey is that each one of us is tempted, not like Nirmala always, but to tell others sometimes what has been told us in confidence. There is a false satisfaction in showing off that we know a little more than what the other person knows. The intention may not be to harm but nevertheless the act of betraying the confidence is bad. By such foolish acts we create an image of us to others with whom we mix that would do us little credit. In turn others would be cautious when they speak to us. It is in us to control the way others respond to us by conducting ourselves
Ten laws of life
I read this in a book by Jay McGraw and wish to share.
1. You either get it, or you don’t
How to get the L for loser off your head
1. You create your own experience.
Become the star of your own life
3. People do what works.
The truth about why you can act so weird
4. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
Get big-time real about your shortcomings and make a to-do list
5. Life rewards action.
What are you waiting for? Get it in gear
6. There is no reality, only perception.
Open your eyes and get into focus
7. Life is managed; it is not cured
Keep it in gear, no coasting
8. We teach people how to treat us.
Don’t be a doormat
9. There is power in forgiveness
Your ‘get out of jail free “ card
10. You have to name it before you can claim it.
I know what I want, and I want it now”.
When a father asks his child who is standing on a book shelf to jump in his arms, it does unhesitatingly. It has a complete trust in his dad and a belief that he will come to no harm .That kind of trust is never possible in this cynical world where we believe that we are vulnerable when we trust someone. But without some trust can the world move on? Do we not walk on the road peacefully trusting that other vehicle users of road follow the rules ? Do we not send young children out to play believing no one will take them away? Can there be love and joy without some basic trust in human goodness?
When we go to a doctor and get some medicines prescribed, we trust his judgment implicitly and take the medicines. Likewise when we buy medicines from chemists, we believe that they are not duplicates or fakes. In our day to day transactions we trust people to a large extent as otherwise life would become unhappy. There may be disappointments on a few occasions no doubt but we should learn to live with it and not distrust everyone. Someone put it ‘You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.”
Trust is based on the belief that others have confidence in you and your ability and will not take unfair advantage of you. It is the ability to create relationships with others based on mutual respect and caring. Good friends never betray your trust.
Uncongenial atmosphere of hate or lack of love, divorced parents, emotional and physical abuse, broken relationship, death of close relative, chronic illness and low self esteem could all lead to lack of trust and suspicion.Getting over this is not easy without constant practice and motivation from others. I would put a strong faith in God as the first step. This belief that He would take care of your troubles would gradually reduce the mistrust and enable you to ‘let go’ the hurts and disappointments. Mingling and living with positive minded people would provide the healing environment.Overcoming unwanted fears, developing self esteem in one’s capabilities and building trusting relationships after due care would be the way to go about to get over this malaise.
It is not suggested that we should forsake all our needs that are reasonable and legitimate.It is enough if you can donate what you can spare.It is not always money though money is often required to meet others’ needs.Your spare time can be usefully spent in teaching poor students or in social service or in any orphan home,reading for blind and in ever so many ways.Imagine how the world around us would be changed if each one of us are inspired by such thoughts and do our bit.How much of change would be brought about in the lives of the poor and sick if only we eschew selfishness and spending our time and money only for us and our needs.?
I have heard famous and very eminent doctors who charge fabulous fees devote a portion of their time once a week for treating the poor free.Hospitals too set apart some time for frree medical help for the poor.Yet these are not adequate considering the immensity of our needs.There are leaders in industry who give away silently.Yet not all do so.Whatever comes is a tiny drop in the vast ocean of unmet needs.
My daughter every three months calls the poor homes and donates all the used clothes which are in good condition , the unsed/replaced gadjets, the odd bits and ends.She gives bread every week to the poor outside the church without fail and donate silently to charitable causes. I have observed that those who give are never in want and God gives them ten ttimes more.
Like the dew that falls unseen and unheard and yet brings into blossom the fairest of roses, the act of kindness in giving will bring joy and love in many lives.
Winning an argument without losing a friend
The only way to get best in an argument is to avoid it. Easily said but is not practicable. There are some tips however that would help us to come the better in an argument. You must welcome disagreement. There are always two sides to a coin but in an argument there are several sides. When someone differs from us, we tend to frame our replies even without listening fully. Listening keenly is the first step to put across your view point cogently. As you listen, look for areas where there are broad agreements. One is required to be honest in admitting errors. Mulish behaviour of holding on to erroneous opinions should be eschewed. Where you feel the need to know more on the subject and need time, promise to think over the other man’s ideas and revert. It is always good to show respect for the other person’s opinion. It would be a good strategy to frame your questions in a way making the other say yes, yes. Letting the other person to feel the idea was his and taking credit is acceptable. Never forget to thank the other guy for the interest he had shown in the subject. Where a decision is required to be taken and there is no agreement, defer the action to think over again.